Orange Shrimp

WHOA GUYS: I cooked seafood in my own home. I still need some more practice, but because it was my first try with seabugs, I will not call it a fail dinner. It was fine, and actually tasty with the addition of some chili sauce from the Super H Mart. My main complaint was that it was a little blander than I'd hoped. I think the problem is that I didn't add the chile, b/c I didn't have any. I'll include it in this recipe. I bet it not only adds zing, but brings out the orange taste.

I used Mark Bittman's modified orange shrimp scampi recipe:

1/2 cup olive oil
3-4 big garlic cloves, cut into slivers
salt & pepper to taste
1 orange, peeled and juiced (save and roughly chop the peel; reserve the juice)
1-2 dried hot red chiles
1 lb shrimp (I buy it cut and deveined, Baxter didn't raise no fool)
Minced fresh cilantro (1/4 - 1/2 cup)

Warm the olive oil over very low heat - don't skimp on the olive oil. There should be enough to cover the bottom of the pan, which should be a big one.
Put the garlic, chopped orange peel, and chiles in the oil and cook for a few minutes, over low heat, until garlic turns golden.
Raise heat to medium high and add the shrimp, orange juice, salt & pepper. When they turn pink on one side, turn them over and add 1/4 cup of the mined cilantro. Raise the heat slightly and cook until the shrimp are done (I used the "when the tail turns pink" method of telling when to stop cooking.) Garnish with the rest of the cilantro and serve!

I served with sticky brown rice. Probably would be very delicious over linguine or other stringy pasta.


PS I am listening to the new, inane McDonald's commercials where they pronounce words wrong to try to make them "fun" and rhyme with "latte." It's filling me with rage. Luckily, there are delicious smells coming from my oven, because of a recipe I kind of made up! Recipe to come soon, after we taste test it...

Summer Drinks!

Today was the first day of the year when I could, in good conscience, make myself some iced tea.

Y'all, I may be living up here in Chicago, and I may be a Yankee when it comes to politics and fashion; but when it comes to drink selections, I have to tell you that I'm a southern girl at heart (I love tea, punch, and simple syrup). Here are some delicious summertime beverages (both adult and all-ages) to cool you off.

TANGY ICED TEA
I picked up this recipe, or its origin, from a very fantastic southern woman who also happens to be one hell of a state senator.

Ingredients:
4 bags of Celestial Seasonings Magic Mint Iced Tea
Sugar (to taste)
1 lime
Water (boiling, cool, and ice)
It's also very preferable to have a fiestaware pitcher.

Place the tea bags in your pitcher, and fill it about halfway with boiling water. Let the teabags steep for quite some time - long enough for the water to cool off a little bit, so that it's merely warm or lukewarm. After the long steep, fish the teabags out (I use a slotted spoon). While the tea is still warm/lukewarm, add your sugar if any. This is where geography really counts - here in Chicago, I only added about 2 TB for the whole pitcher. Down in Atlanta, you might add as much as 3/4 of a cup. The amount of sugar is most likely going to be inversely proportional to your northerly distance from the equator. Stir real well, so the sugar can dissolve. Next, fill the pitcher the rest of the way up with cool water. Slice your fresh lime, squeeze all it's juice into the tea, add a couple ice, cubes, and stick it in the fridge. You can drink it as soon as it's cold enough for you (it's good when very very cold, IMHO~)

CRANBERRY PUNCH
I picked up this recipe very recently, from a terrific southern lady who also happens to have recently catered a lovely engagement party...!

Ingredients:
Cran-Something Juice (Cran-Raspberry works a charm)
Fresca
OPTIONAL SECRET INGREDIENT

That's it! Get a punch bowl or a very large pitcher. Pour about 3/4 of a regular-sized Cran-Something cocktail in there, and then add a can of Fresca and some ice. It is tasty, y'all! And I don't even like Fresca! If you want to make me and Blanche Devereaux really happy, you can also add (CLH OPTIONAL SECRET INGREDIENT) a block of raspberry sorbet. Ohh-la-la.

PEACHY WINE FIZZSTER (WARNING!! ADULT BEVERAGE!)
I picked this up from some terrific northern ladies who happen to live on Big Rock Candy Mountain. But we were drinking it in the deepest south of all, Miami Beach, Florida.

Ingredients:
White wine
Peach Juice
Seltzer OR citrus soda
Ice

This is really just punch with wine, y'all. It ain't complicated. I find that this one works best if the ingredients are in about equal amounts - but if you're working with a little less bubbly stuff, that's OK too. I mix this one right in the glass. First: ice in the glass (and who am I kidding - by glass I mean Solo cup), then wine, then peach juice, then seltzer or soda.

ENJOY! I am enjoying a tangy iced tea right now (guess what - it's caffeine free).

UNAPPETIZING POST II: VERMIN!!

Remember when I had to pull a clump of hair out of the shower drain, and it resembled a sodden rat? Well, this weekend I met that hair clump's cousin - a REAL GIANT RAT.

This is a sad story for those who don't like to hear about dead rodents. And it's a gross story for those who don't like to hear about live OR dead rodents. Most likely, no one should read it. The only exceptions are those who will enjoy carrying with them the mental image of me 1) quietly screeching while also 2) freaking out as well as 3) flipping my shit (I'm looking at you, Scurvington Marie).

Picture it: Sicily, 1932; night. Our cat, Pope Lazarus I, has become increasingly interested in looking through the glass doors at something outside on our sunken patio. Disc0 and I figure it's probably shadows, or friendly ghosts...until I see something alight on the outside handle of the porch door. "A giant moth!" I exclaim, "or perhaps a bat which will soon leave the state and never, never come again, leaving me worry free!"

Disc0 is the first one to notice the tail. And then begins the squeaking.

So a giant rat, at least half the size of Pope Lazarus I the Jungle Cat, is freaking out, trying to escape our sunken patio (into which it either jumped in search of old leaves and PBR cans, or fell during a Showgirls-esque brawl with his understudy for the role of the Rat King in the Urban Blight Productions production of the Nutracker [this was a big rat, y'all]). We know this much - Disc0, Pope Lazarus I and I cannot open the patio door to help him, or the Rat King will surely enter, swiftly overcome us, and start making himself an omelette. So we figure - he got himself down there, he can get himself back up. Rats can scramble up 6 feet of brick, right? RIGHT?

The next day, the Rat King is nowhere to be seen. We figure he climbed out or was rescued by a hawk. Sadly, later in the afternoon, the Rat King emerged from a pile of leaves, looking pitiful. He crawled into a very dignified position...for this I am grateful... and soon, he was gone. In spirit. His gargantuan frame remained.

Long story short (not), Disc0 got a plastic bag in one hand, and paper bag in another; gently laid the Rat King to rest using both; and placed the paper bag on the lawn. But while he was traveling back upstairs - oh the horror! - Chicago's mighty wind struck the Rat King and his resting place back down into the porch! Disc0 was already up on the lawn! Immediate action was necessary!! So I put on my big girl boots, starting the quiet screech, and went to the porch- and lifted the paper bag by touching approximately four paper bag molecules with approximately 2% of the combined entire area of my thumb and forefinger...but I could still feel the melancholy weight of the fallen Rat King.

Crazy Glazey Chicken & Broccoli!

Whoo - don't worry all you readers (Scurvington Marie), I have been cooking this past month - just not really any new recipes. Kinda boring. So last night I made one up!!

This is based on the masterful work of Clare, who made the most ridiculously delicious marinade for grilled chicken I have ever eaten. I took the idea, and made a sort of general tso-ish, sweet glazed chicken dinner last night that was decidedly tasterrific! You'll want to start a few hours before dinnertime, because this involves some marinating.

INGREDIENTS:

TB of minced ginger
TB canola oil
TB sesame oil
2-3 TSP cornstarch
One small onion, sliced
Soy sauce (a bit more than a cup)
Maple syrup (a bit less than a cup)
1-2 chicken breasts. in bite-sized chunks
Head of broccoli
rice (I used thai purple sticky rice - I just like the consistency of glutinous rice, but this would probably be tasty with a more flavorful rice, too)

Mix together the soy sauce and maple syrup in a freezer bag, then add the ginger and make sure it's well mixed by smooshing the bag around. Fun. CLH TIP: Make sure the bag is securely closed before you put it down, or you will have marinade on your floor instead of in your belly. I know from experience, dude.

PLace the chicken chunks in the freezer bag. CLOSE IT SECURELY, and put it in the fridge for at least 1-2 hours.

When the marinating time is coming to an end, start to cook your rice (this usually takes about 30 minutes) based on the instructions on your rice container. Far be it from me to give tips on cooking rice - trust me, you'll do better with the manufacturer's instructions. At the same time, boil some water in another pot so you can steam your broccoli.

Heat the canola and sesame oils in your favorite, unsticky pan over medium heat. Cook your sliced onions until translucent, and then use tongs to transfer the chicken chunks from the marinade bag to the pan, but RESERVE the marinade. Sautee the chicken until just cooked through, and then pour the marinade into the pan with the chicken and onions. Stir in a couple of teaspoons of cornstarch to help it thicken. Bring it to a bubbly boil, and then reduce the heat and simmer.

While the sauce and chicken are simmering, hopefully your steaming pot is steaming - place your broccoli in a steamer and set over the boiling water, and steam for about 5 minutes.

Back to the chicken - cook for at least 5 minutes - I think I did more like 10 - until the sauce is nice and thick and glazey. Then serve over rice and with the broccoli - the sauce is good on all of these things and it makes for a very colorful plate!

CUPCAKES!

Well, darned if this isn't becoming a dessert blog. That's cool because dessert is my favorite thing to make.

These are the best chocolate cupcakes ever! The cake recipe comes from THE SUGAR BAR.

Here it is with US measurements and a couple small tweaks (like baking time):

3/4 cup butter
1 cup soft dark brown sugar
1/2 cup caster sugar
3 eggs
2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup cocoa powder
2 tbs coffee granules
1 1/2 cup milk (I used semi-skimmed)
2 tsp vanilla extract

Preheat to 375.

Beat butter till soft, smooth, creamy and pale. Add sugar and beat till creamy. Beat in eggs one at a time.
Whisk flour, baking soda, salt, cocoa and coffee granules together. Mix the vanilla and milk together in a small bowl or pouring jug. Add a third of the dry ingredients into batter, mix well. Add half of the liquid, beat well. Alternate till you end with the dry ingredients.
Line muffin tray with liners. Fill cups 2/3 full.
Reduce oven heat to 345. Bake 20 minutes or so.
Let cool completely before icing.

I used a variation on AMY SEDARIS'S amazing frosting meant to go along with her vanilla cupcakes. If you are looking for the ultimate VANILLA cupcake, look no further than Amy Sedaris, my hostess and homemaking heroine. I added a little bit of peppermint oil to make my icing minty, so I have choco-mint cupcakes. See here (my first cooking pics)!!!

Bombay Sliders!

Tonight's dinner is Bombay Sliders (turkey burgers with Curry-Garlic Sauce). I used THIS RECIPE FROM EPICURIOUS - Delish!

However, I totally forgot to by Hawaiian rolls to use as the buns. Doh! Luckily I was rising some whole wheat sandwich bread this afternoon, so I turned it into whole wheat english muffins!

The recipe is from the always delightful Mark Bittman's How to Cook Everything (this is the whole wheat, english muffin variation on his Sandwich Bread recipe on pp. 228-230).

Ingredients:
1.75 cups all-purpose flour
1.75 cups whole wheat flour
2 teaspoon salt
1.5 teaspoon instant yeast
2-3 Tablespoon honey
2 Tablespoon softened butter, plus more for greasing the bowl
1 to 1.33 cups cool milk

1) Place the flour in the container of a food processor fitted with the steel blade. Add the salt and yeast and process for 5 seconds. With the machine running, add the honey, softened butter, and most of the milk through the feed tube (you'll probably need a little less than 1.33 cups since you are using honey, a liquid sweetener). PRocess for 30 seconds, then remove the cover. The dough should be in a well-defined, barely sticky, easy-to-handle ball. If it is too dry, add milk 1 T at a time and process for 5-10 seconds after each addition. If it is too wet, which is unlikely, add a T or two of flour and process briefly. Knead for a minute or so by hand.

2) Grease a large bowl with butter or oil. Shape the dough into a rough ball, place it in the bowl, and cover with plastic wrap or damp towel. Let rise for at least 2 hours, until nearly doubled in bulk **CLH TIP: My house is kinda chilly, so I like to heat the oven up to 170 and then turn it off, then let the dough rise in the warm oven.** Deflate the ball and shape it once again into a ball; let rest on a lightly floured surface for about 15 minutes, covered.

3) Cut the dough into 12 roughly equal pieces. Using just enough flour to enable you to handle the dough, shape each into a 3- to 4- inch disc. Dust with flour and let rise for 30 to 45 minutes, or until puffy.

4) Preheat a griddle or large skillet over low heat for about 10 minutes; do not oil it. Sprinkle it with cornmeal, then bake the muffins, a few at a time, on both sides, turning occasionally, until lightly browned; a total of about 15 minutes. Cool on a rack and split with a fork before toasting.

I'm not a master breadmaker yet, but these were OK. The sliders and sauce were YUMMY especially with Bubbie's Bread and Butter pickle chips. YUM.

Speaking of cake....

Today I made brownies. This is an adaptation of the Ghirardelli Award-Winning Brown Recipe, with a couple of twists.

You will need:
2 eggs
3/4 cup of sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1/2 cup butter, melted
3/4 cup Ghirardelli sweet ground chocolate and cocoa powder
2/3 cup all-purpose flour (I actually used 1/3 all-purpose, 1/3 whole wheat)
1/4 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
*Using a spoon, stir the eggs with the sugar;
*Add the vanilla.
*Stir in the melted butter.
*Sift the chocolate powder with the flour, baking powder and salt and stir flour mixture into the egg mixture.

At this point, you could just spread the mixture in a GREASED 8 inch square pan. HOWEVER, I recommend this twist.

CLH TWIST: Spread half of the mixture in the pan - spread it all around so it covers the bottom of the pan. Then take some chocolate bars and place them flat on top of the brownie mix in the pan. I used one caramel bar and one orange-chocolate bar. Then spread the rest of the brownie mix on top of the chocolate bars, making sure the spread it out to cover the entire area of the pan.

*Bake 20-30 minutes or until just set. Let cool completely. (CLH TIP: I did wait to let them cool completely. oops).

THESE ARE RIDONKULOUSLY TASTY.

Mug Cake!

There are MUG CAKE HOW-TOs (like this one from WIRED) floating all over the web, but I figured my loyal readers (AKA my cat Baxshebo) would want the CLH seal of approval.

I made a yummy Mug Cake just this evening. Here's how:

*Spray a large-ish coffee mug with cooking spray

*Put the following in said mug:

-Nine (9) tablespoons of hot cocoa/hot chocolate mix
-Four (4) tablespoons of whole wheat flour

*Stir together.

*Crack an egg into the cocoa/flour mix and stir to mix.

*Add 3 tablespoons of canola oil and 3 tablespoons of water and stir well - make sure to scrape all of the dry mixture from the bottom and incorporate it into the batter.

*stir in half a handful of chocolate chips

*Microwave on high for three (3) minutes.

The cake will rise above the top of the mug before your eyes as it cooks. After the beep, carefully remove the cake-in-mug from the microwave (use a potholder - it will be hot) and dump the cake onto a plate.

Listen - this isn't about presentation. It's about having chocolate cake for stuffing down your gullet five minutes after your initial decision that you want chocolate cake. It tastes best hot and fresh!

Getting Comfortable in the Kitchen

At least for me, it was important to get comfortable in the kitchen before I started to try Real Cooking. This cooking in this blog is meant to be Real Cooking for Beginners, but I've been doing a much better job with Real Cooking because let myself become familiar with basic kitchen processes. Feeling like a dunce in the kitchen can be the CAUSE, not just the result, of Fail Dinners! So if you feel like a non-cook, you can start out slow like I did.

A great way to do this is making easy-to-assemble meals that only require you to really cook the toppings. One of the first things I did was make spaghetti (just boil it) with pasta sauce (just pour it from the jar) with meat (which you kind of have to cook). Pre-cooked sausages are the easiest! I like to use Amy's Chicken Sausage. Cut the links up into chunks. Heat up some olive oil in a pan, and sautee the sausage chunks in the olive oil. Then add your pasta sauce and sautee for a couple of minutes. As you can see, you are using pots and pans, and oil and ingredients, but you aren't really cooking. It's idiot proof and delicious, and you get pretty comfortable sauteeing.

Another really yummy way to get comfortable with the stove is "homemade" pizza. You can buy pizza crusts and pizza sauce packets from Whole Foods. Then you can create your own pizza with whatever cheese and toppings you want. This makes me feel like I have created a "recipe" - it's all about building confidence, yo. I like to use shredded mozzarella and sometimes gouda. I learned HOW TO CARAMELIZE ONIONS FROM ALLRECIPES.COM. Except I use a buttload of brown sugar. After deglazing once, I add a few slices of turkey bacon and a little more brown sugar and, if necessary, oil, and cook until the turkey bacon is crispy. This makes a really tasty, sweet n' savory Brown Sugar Caramelized Onion & Bacon pizza. After making this a few times, I felt pretty safe in the kitchen and moved on to the recipes you see (and will see) here!

UNAPPETIZING POST - Cleaning your shower drain

The shower in our master bedroom has been draining poorly for a while now. For the past week, I have been treating it with Bio-Clean, an eco-friendly, bacteria-based substance that is supposed to eat up all the organic materials that clog drains and also not hurt the seals or puppies or guppies or whatever. I have had good results with Bio-Clean in the past, but the situation has been pointing towards a plumber-call. I am against this because I just had to break down and call Mr. Handyman after a Fail Drapery incident, and I am a common law homemaker, dammit, so I plucked up my courage and suppressed my gag reflex and WENT IN THERE.

I put on a rubber kitchen glove (I love rubber kitchen gloves). I picked up a screwdriver and a wire hanger, with the hook part bent haphazardly. I unscrewed the floor drain on the shower...and, in three parts, dragged out a clump of hair equivalent in size to THREE DEAD RATS. Mind you, I was already pretty grossed out after Clump Retrieval Part One, for which I only used my gloved hand. Then I had to use the hook and boy was I unhappy about it. When there was nothing else to retrieve, I looked at my three-dead-rat-sized clump and tried not to hurl. Then I grabbed a plastic Walgreen's bag, did the dog-poop-pickup bag reversal move with the clump, threw the heavily soiled kitchen glove in there for good measure (hey - a single kitchen glove is still much less expensive than a visit from the plumber), tied it off and threw the whole mess into the garbage, shuddering.

If a wuss like me can clean her shower drain, so can you, following the above easy steps.

PS: If I didn't have so much hair left on my head, I would be disturbed by the sheer volume of hair that I clearly lost in order to create those three dead rats. I heard recently that pregnant ladies don't lose much hair, and if that is true, I am clearly going to look exactly like this when and if I am lucky enough to get preggo:

Bao!

So I was feeling adventurous last night and decided to try to make some bao.

It turned out really well. I wasn't completely in love with the improvised filling I made, but now that I know that I can make the buns I am really excited about making more delicious bao in the future. It takes some time; you need an hour for the dough to proof, and you make the buns by hand. But it's satisfying, fun and yummy.

I sort of combined two different BAO RECIPES (one from livejournal user chumas in the food_porn community and another from the excellent cooking blog The Cooking of Joy). The links are there, and here I'll tell you what I did.

1. I used the DOUGH RECIPE from The Cooking of Joy, omitting the glaze step.

2. During the rising hour, make the filling. I will probably try the Cooking of Joy's method of buying char siu sauce and putting it on pork next time. But since you asked, here's what I did this time: veggie crumbles (fake ground beef) & stir fry veggie mix & fresh onions cooked in one skillet in canola and a dash of sesame oil, and then mixed with with a crazy sauce of sesame oil, hoison sauce, soy sauce, a junk load of honey, powdered ginger (fresh would be even better), and a little sugar, all to taste, cooked in a separate skillet for 30+ minutes and "deglazed" with water at least once to thicken. Coat the filling with this sauce, and continue to reduce the rest for a dipping sauce.

3. Follow directions from Cooking of Joy for dividing up and filling the dough - I was only able to make 12 buns out of my dough. Once you have divided the dough, preheat your oven to 400, and start heating water in your steamer. Then start filling. If your filling is fairly wet, as was mine, you might not be able to close the bao as demonstrated on the Cooking of Joy, but I found it fairly simple to just pull dough from either side and seal in the middle, about three-four times all the way around. I just let them rest while I was making them - I didn't do the second, 20 minute proof step, though I did have to wait a couple minutes for the water to boil in the steamer and the oven to make it to 400.

4. I steamed half and baked the other half of my bao. I liked them both ways and will do this again! To bake (from chumas/food_porn): Arrange the balls so they're about an inch apart and bake in the oven at 400*F for about 17-20 minutes. Peek in around 17 and if the balls are a golden brown, they're done. Let rest for a minute and chow down. To steam (from Cooking of Joy), add water to your steamer (I used my stock pot with the steamer insert) and heat on high. Once the water is boiling, place the buns in your steamer and steam for 13-15 minutes. And chow down.

Cookies

Cookies scare me much less than bread. I've been making them for years. Here are a couple of delicious cookie recipes I've made recently and LOVED.

I've twice used this RECIPE FOR CHOCOLATE COVERED CHERRY COOKIES from awesome blog Lovin' From the Oven, and it is divine.

CLH TIP: Make sure to use 2 TEASPOONS of cherry juice in the chocolate sauce (like the recipe says) rather than two tablespoons (like I did the first time). Also, be sure to place the cherry halves cut-side up in the cookie divots.

Most recently I made really chewy, yummy, WHOLE WHEAT CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES from the also awesome blog Serious Eats.

CLH TIP: It's OK to eat more of these because they have whole wheat flour in them*

*may not technically be true

Appetizers for dinner - Buffalo Chicken Tenders & Pizza Rolls

This is sooo yummy, and easy. I make it a lot. I have adapted it for a while so I think I can call it my own, and but I believe I first got the idea from an entry on food_porn.

CHICKEN TENDERS FOR TWO
INGREDIENTS:
Full chicken breast (or a couple of of cutlets or about a pound of tenders, depending on how much work you want the butcher to do)
Whole Foods brand buffalo wing sauce
1 cup or so Italian seasoned breadcrumbs
1 egg, whisked OR 1/2 or so cup of buttermilk
Celery & blue cheese dressing, optional

Slice the chicken up into chicken-tender-sized pieces/chunks. Not an exact science - however you like them. For two people, I use one full breast (two halves). Dip each piece in the whisked egg or buttermilk and then thoroughly coat in breadcrumbs. Place an oven-safe wire rack on a cookie sheet and place the dipped and coated chicken pieces on the rack. Bake at 375 for a while (about 15 minutes). When the chicken pieces are cooked, pour about 1/3 of the bottle of buffalo wing sauce into a gallon-size freezer bag, and dump the chicken pieces in there. Seal it very well, letting as much air out of the bag as you can, and then shake the hell out of it to coat the tenders in sauce. Serve with celery & blue cheese dressing (I don't usually remember to buy blue cheese dressing and these are yummy even without it).

PIZZA ROLLS FOR TWO
INGREDIENTS:
Wonton/eggroll wrappers (you can find these in the cold section of the Whole Foods near the fake meat products)
Pizza sauce or marinara sauce
Mozzarella cheese
Optional: pepperoni, sausage

If you serve these with the buffalo tenders, you probably only need 2-3 per person. Heat up about 1/2 inch of canola oil in a heavy skillet oever medium-high heat (I love my lodge cast-iron skillet). While that is heating up, lay out your wonton wrappers. This is where I usually follow the directions on the wonton wrapper package. On each wrapper, place about a tablespoon of sauce in a line. Place the same amount or a little bit more cheese, and then tiny chunks of your toppings, if any. Then fold the wontons closed (seriously, I can't explain it because I'm not a good cook, and there will be directions on the package. Follow them!) sealing each crease with water. Prepare a plate covered in a few layers of paper towel.

When your pizza rolls are sealed, dump them in the hot oil in your skillet and fry until golden brown on each side. This takes about 1-2 minutes per side. As each roll is finished, place it on the paper towels to drain a little bit - I like to soak a lot of oil out of my rolls before I serve them, but if you are into grease I am not mad at you.

Bread

Honestly, Mark Bittman's amazing cookbook, How to Cook Everything, is a must-own. I would say it's a must-buy, but I got it as a birthday present and that worked out awfully well for me. This post is about the bread recipes in his book, which are great, but they are also a small portion of the book. The whole thing is full of dope recipes.

During the first quarter of my life (i.e. until this year) (that's right you heard me), I was scared of making bread. In my teenage years, I believe I may have had some magical thinking about bread-making, e.g. that it required all kinds of special equipment, ingredients, and special chants. Everyone else I know who makes bread at home is really good at it and has lots of experience, so I always thought it was pointless to try. But that's no kind of attitude to have so I decided to turn my frown upside down. Thank Jebus for Mark Bittman - he taught me how to make bread.

Seriously, I recommend that you buy his cookbook and read the entire section on breadmaking before you start. It is demystifying and empowering. You don't need no stinking breadmaker. You could use a stand-mixer with a dough hook, or a good food processor (I do tend to use one or the other when I'm making bread but you don't NEED them). Mark Bittman (I call him M. Bitty) will show you the way.

Here is the RECIPE FOR THE EASIEST AND BEST FRENCH BREAD from the Great Taste Coaster blog. They also back me up on how you should own this book now.

CLH TIP: Steam is necessary for the delicious crustiness of the crust. If you don't have a spray bottle (like I didn't) don't just throw water from a mug onto the sides of a 400 degree oven (like I did). I'm sure you're smarter than me and wouldn't think of it, but one never knows. I have an advanced degree and still thought it was better to go ahead and steam my face off. Just go buy a spray bottle - you can do it while the dough is rising.

I've also made the whole wheat sandwich bread (pretty good) and the brioche (awesome) and I am going to do a few more brioche loaves before I try challah. Challah back young'n (sorry).

Orange-Glazed Chicken with Pears

Realsimple.com is kind of an amazing place. I love eating meals with fruit and meat mixed together, and now I can make them in the comfort of my own home. This RECIPE FOR ORANGE GLAZED CHICKEN really was quick and easy. It's a sweet, mild dish - not a huge WOW factor, but tasty and satisfying and light. A good standby if you happen to have this stuff around. I reduced the recipe by half and it was no problemo.

But the "picture" of this "dish" in the above list looks totes photoshopped, am I right? Weirdos.

Saurbraten with spaetzle!

This was my first big project of the New Year. My common-law mother-in-law made some delicious saurbraten for Christmas dinner (I got to eat leftovers - yum!) and it inspired me to go off my normal no-beef diet and make one of my favorite dishes of all time. Maybe it tasted better because I haven't had it in years - that was probably part of it. It's very time consuming and a bit labor-intensive, but not difficultso much. And it's worth it!

I used THIS RECIPE FOR SAURBRATEN, from Grouprecipes.com user bondc.

CLH TIPS: I froze the meat upon coming home from the grocery store. When I thought I'd be ready to make saurbraten in 4 days, I put it on the calender then made the marinade. The worst part of the entire process was cutting the fat off of the roast. Blegh. And raw beef smells grody; sorry, it does. But then plopped the roast in the marinade and went on my merry way. 4 days later I was ready to follow the recipe.

For the SPAETZLE I USED THIS RECIPE from Allrecipes.com user Rhonda Story.

CLH tips: I say whatever and puh puh to the idea of buying a spaetzle press. My wise sister-out-law once told me that Alton Brown once told her never to buy a kitchen implement that has only one use. I also didn't have a ton of luck with the grater-method suggested by the author of the above recipe. But guess what - instead of getting frustrated (and by that I mean after getting frustrated and terrified) I just tore the dough into rough little bits and threw them in the boiling water - and the spaetzle came out frreaking awesome! Just do it dudes!

FAIL DINNER #1: Spanish Omelette

I am going to feature my Fail Dinners here too - so that I remember them, and so that you can either 1. try to make one of my Fail Dinners and feel good about yourself because you succeeded or 2. use it as a guide for what might be too advanced for a beginner cook.

I used THIS RECIPE FOR SPANISH OMELETTE from the Food Network. Ooof. It was a major fail.

CLH FAIL: Perhaps unsurprisingly, the big problem was the flipping. It didn't happen at all. Furthermore, I used 5 small potatoes instead of 3 large potatoes, and the ratio was off. There were too many potatoes and not enough egg mixture to cover them, which meant that the poor tortilla espanola was doomed to fall apart from the beginning.

We still ate it, of course. The flavor was still pretty good even though it looked like a scramble rather than a tortilla or an omelette. But the shame was bitter.