UNAPPETIZING POST - Cleaning your shower drain

The shower in our master bedroom has been draining poorly for a while now. For the past week, I have been treating it with Bio-Clean, an eco-friendly, bacteria-based substance that is supposed to eat up all the organic materials that clog drains and also not hurt the seals or puppies or guppies or whatever. I have had good results with Bio-Clean in the past, but the situation has been pointing towards a plumber-call. I am against this because I just had to break down and call Mr. Handyman after a Fail Drapery incident, and I am a common law homemaker, dammit, so I plucked up my courage and suppressed my gag reflex and WENT IN THERE.

I put on a rubber kitchen glove (I love rubber kitchen gloves). I picked up a screwdriver and a wire hanger, with the hook part bent haphazardly. I unscrewed the floor drain on the shower...and, in three parts, dragged out a clump of hair equivalent in size to THREE DEAD RATS. Mind you, I was already pretty grossed out after Clump Retrieval Part One, for which I only used my gloved hand. Then I had to use the hook and boy was I unhappy about it. When there was nothing else to retrieve, I looked at my three-dead-rat-sized clump and tried not to hurl. Then I grabbed a plastic Walgreen's bag, did the dog-poop-pickup bag reversal move with the clump, threw the heavily soiled kitchen glove in there for good measure (hey - a single kitchen glove is still much less expensive than a visit from the plumber), tied it off and threw the whole mess into the garbage, shuddering.

If a wuss like me can clean her shower drain, so can you, following the above easy steps.

PS: If I didn't have so much hair left on my head, I would be disturbed by the sheer volume of hair that I clearly lost in order to create those three dead rats. I heard recently that pregnant ladies don't lose much hair, and if that is true, I am clearly going to look exactly like this when and if I am lucky enough to get preggo:

Bao!

So I was feeling adventurous last night and decided to try to make some bao.

It turned out really well. I wasn't completely in love with the improvised filling I made, but now that I know that I can make the buns I am really excited about making more delicious bao in the future. It takes some time; you need an hour for the dough to proof, and you make the buns by hand. But it's satisfying, fun and yummy.

I sort of combined two different BAO RECIPES (one from livejournal user chumas in the food_porn community and another from the excellent cooking blog The Cooking of Joy). The links are there, and here I'll tell you what I did.

1. I used the DOUGH RECIPE from The Cooking of Joy, omitting the glaze step.

2. During the rising hour, make the filling. I will probably try the Cooking of Joy's method of buying char siu sauce and putting it on pork next time. But since you asked, here's what I did this time: veggie crumbles (fake ground beef) & stir fry veggie mix & fresh onions cooked in one skillet in canola and a dash of sesame oil, and then mixed with with a crazy sauce of sesame oil, hoison sauce, soy sauce, a junk load of honey, powdered ginger (fresh would be even better), and a little sugar, all to taste, cooked in a separate skillet for 30+ minutes and "deglazed" with water at least once to thicken. Coat the filling with this sauce, and continue to reduce the rest for a dipping sauce.

3. Follow directions from Cooking of Joy for dividing up and filling the dough - I was only able to make 12 buns out of my dough. Once you have divided the dough, preheat your oven to 400, and start heating water in your steamer. Then start filling. If your filling is fairly wet, as was mine, you might not be able to close the bao as demonstrated on the Cooking of Joy, but I found it fairly simple to just pull dough from either side and seal in the middle, about three-four times all the way around. I just let them rest while I was making them - I didn't do the second, 20 minute proof step, though I did have to wait a couple minutes for the water to boil in the steamer and the oven to make it to 400.

4. I steamed half and baked the other half of my bao. I liked them both ways and will do this again! To bake (from chumas/food_porn): Arrange the balls so they're about an inch apart and bake in the oven at 400*F for about 17-20 minutes. Peek in around 17 and if the balls are a golden brown, they're done. Let rest for a minute and chow down. To steam (from Cooking of Joy), add water to your steamer (I used my stock pot with the steamer insert) and heat on high. Once the water is boiling, place the buns in your steamer and steam for 13-15 minutes. And chow down.

Cookies

Cookies scare me much less than bread. I've been making them for years. Here are a couple of delicious cookie recipes I've made recently and LOVED.

I've twice used this RECIPE FOR CHOCOLATE COVERED CHERRY COOKIES from awesome blog Lovin' From the Oven, and it is divine.

CLH TIP: Make sure to use 2 TEASPOONS of cherry juice in the chocolate sauce (like the recipe says) rather than two tablespoons (like I did the first time). Also, be sure to place the cherry halves cut-side up in the cookie divots.

Most recently I made really chewy, yummy, WHOLE WHEAT CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES from the also awesome blog Serious Eats.

CLH TIP: It's OK to eat more of these because they have whole wheat flour in them*

*may not technically be true

Appetizers for dinner - Buffalo Chicken Tenders & Pizza Rolls

This is sooo yummy, and easy. I make it a lot. I have adapted it for a while so I think I can call it my own, and but I believe I first got the idea from an entry on food_porn.

CHICKEN TENDERS FOR TWO
INGREDIENTS:
Full chicken breast (or a couple of of cutlets or about a pound of tenders, depending on how much work you want the butcher to do)
Whole Foods brand buffalo wing sauce
1 cup or so Italian seasoned breadcrumbs
1 egg, whisked OR 1/2 or so cup of buttermilk
Celery & blue cheese dressing, optional

Slice the chicken up into chicken-tender-sized pieces/chunks. Not an exact science - however you like them. For two people, I use one full breast (two halves). Dip each piece in the whisked egg or buttermilk and then thoroughly coat in breadcrumbs. Place an oven-safe wire rack on a cookie sheet and place the dipped and coated chicken pieces on the rack. Bake at 375 for a while (about 15 minutes). When the chicken pieces are cooked, pour about 1/3 of the bottle of buffalo wing sauce into a gallon-size freezer bag, and dump the chicken pieces in there. Seal it very well, letting as much air out of the bag as you can, and then shake the hell out of it to coat the tenders in sauce. Serve with celery & blue cheese dressing (I don't usually remember to buy blue cheese dressing and these are yummy even without it).

PIZZA ROLLS FOR TWO
INGREDIENTS:
Wonton/eggroll wrappers (you can find these in the cold section of the Whole Foods near the fake meat products)
Pizza sauce or marinara sauce
Mozzarella cheese
Optional: pepperoni, sausage

If you serve these with the buffalo tenders, you probably only need 2-3 per person. Heat up about 1/2 inch of canola oil in a heavy skillet oever medium-high heat (I love my lodge cast-iron skillet). While that is heating up, lay out your wonton wrappers. This is where I usually follow the directions on the wonton wrapper package. On each wrapper, place about a tablespoon of sauce in a line. Place the same amount or a little bit more cheese, and then tiny chunks of your toppings, if any. Then fold the wontons closed (seriously, I can't explain it because I'm not a good cook, and there will be directions on the package. Follow them!) sealing each crease with water. Prepare a plate covered in a few layers of paper towel.

When your pizza rolls are sealed, dump them in the hot oil in your skillet and fry until golden brown on each side. This takes about 1-2 minutes per side. As each roll is finished, place it on the paper towels to drain a little bit - I like to soak a lot of oil out of my rolls before I serve them, but if you are into grease I am not mad at you.

Bread

Honestly, Mark Bittman's amazing cookbook, How to Cook Everything, is a must-own. I would say it's a must-buy, but I got it as a birthday present and that worked out awfully well for me. This post is about the bread recipes in his book, which are great, but they are also a small portion of the book. The whole thing is full of dope recipes.

During the first quarter of my life (i.e. until this year) (that's right you heard me), I was scared of making bread. In my teenage years, I believe I may have had some magical thinking about bread-making, e.g. that it required all kinds of special equipment, ingredients, and special chants. Everyone else I know who makes bread at home is really good at it and has lots of experience, so I always thought it was pointless to try. But that's no kind of attitude to have so I decided to turn my frown upside down. Thank Jebus for Mark Bittman - he taught me how to make bread.

Seriously, I recommend that you buy his cookbook and read the entire section on breadmaking before you start. It is demystifying and empowering. You don't need no stinking breadmaker. You could use a stand-mixer with a dough hook, or a good food processor (I do tend to use one or the other when I'm making bread but you don't NEED them). Mark Bittman (I call him M. Bitty) will show you the way.

Here is the RECIPE FOR THE EASIEST AND BEST FRENCH BREAD from the Great Taste Coaster blog. They also back me up on how you should own this book now.

CLH TIP: Steam is necessary for the delicious crustiness of the crust. If you don't have a spray bottle (like I didn't) don't just throw water from a mug onto the sides of a 400 degree oven (like I did). I'm sure you're smarter than me and wouldn't think of it, but one never knows. I have an advanced degree and still thought it was better to go ahead and steam my face off. Just go buy a spray bottle - you can do it while the dough is rising.

I've also made the whole wheat sandwich bread (pretty good) and the brioche (awesome) and I am going to do a few more brioche loaves before I try challah. Challah back young'n (sorry).

Orange-Glazed Chicken with Pears

Realsimple.com is kind of an amazing place. I love eating meals with fruit and meat mixed together, and now I can make them in the comfort of my own home. This RECIPE FOR ORANGE GLAZED CHICKEN really was quick and easy. It's a sweet, mild dish - not a huge WOW factor, but tasty and satisfying and light. A good standby if you happen to have this stuff around. I reduced the recipe by half and it was no problemo.

But the "picture" of this "dish" in the above list looks totes photoshopped, am I right? Weirdos.

Saurbraten with spaetzle!

This was my first big project of the New Year. My common-law mother-in-law made some delicious saurbraten for Christmas dinner (I got to eat leftovers - yum!) and it inspired me to go off my normal no-beef diet and make one of my favorite dishes of all time. Maybe it tasted better because I haven't had it in years - that was probably part of it. It's very time consuming and a bit labor-intensive, but not difficultso much. And it's worth it!

I used THIS RECIPE FOR SAURBRATEN, from Grouprecipes.com user bondc.

CLH TIPS: I froze the meat upon coming home from the grocery store. When I thought I'd be ready to make saurbraten in 4 days, I put it on the calender then made the marinade. The worst part of the entire process was cutting the fat off of the roast. Blegh. And raw beef smells grody; sorry, it does. But then plopped the roast in the marinade and went on my merry way. 4 days later I was ready to follow the recipe.

For the SPAETZLE I USED THIS RECIPE from Allrecipes.com user Rhonda Story.

CLH tips: I say whatever and puh puh to the idea of buying a spaetzle press. My wise sister-out-law once told me that Alton Brown once told her never to buy a kitchen implement that has only one use. I also didn't have a ton of luck with the grater-method suggested by the author of the above recipe. But guess what - instead of getting frustrated (and by that I mean after getting frustrated and terrified) I just tore the dough into rough little bits and threw them in the boiling water - and the spaetzle came out frreaking awesome! Just do it dudes!

FAIL DINNER #1: Spanish Omelette

I am going to feature my Fail Dinners here too - so that I remember them, and so that you can either 1. try to make one of my Fail Dinners and feel good about yourself because you succeeded or 2. use it as a guide for what might be too advanced for a beginner cook.

I used THIS RECIPE FOR SPANISH OMELETTE from the Food Network. Ooof. It was a major fail.

CLH FAIL: Perhaps unsurprisingly, the big problem was the flipping. It didn't happen at all. Furthermore, I used 5 small potatoes instead of 3 large potatoes, and the ratio was off. There were too many potatoes and not enough egg mixture to cover them, which meant that the poor tortilla espanola was doomed to fall apart from the beginning.

We still ate it, of course. The flavor was still pretty good even though it looked like a scramble rather than a tortilla or an omelette. But the shame was bitter.